PORTER, ethan connor

he was late. he didn't mean to lose track of time when he had agreed to go into a training session with only fifteen minutes apart between that and the interview. he rushes in through the door, hair a bit of a mess with how many times he's had to brush his hands through it to keep it out of his face for the training. he is wearing a white t-shirt but his bottoms are camouflage. it was good for when he would be on the battle field, in a forest, but in a place like this, he was really sticking out. "i didn't change my pants..", he finally acknowledged before giving his head a quick shake and rushing to sit down in the chair that was meant to have him in it about ten minutes ago. "i'm..y'know late, and sorry about that, so so sorry.", he repeats just to show how apologetic he was. keeping track of time had never been his strong suit. "name, right. yes. it's ethan.", but the woman seems to want ...more. she is silent, shifts in her seat and he clears his throat, not understanding for a moment what is needed from him, "oh!", the lightbulb finally clicks for him-"ethan connor porter. uh, twenty...one.", recently just shifting out of the age of twenty one and not used to saying that he is an entire year older. "..well..the pants...yea, army guy. kind of. i cook too, in class, for ..grades. its a 'delicious' major. and outside..restuarant...for money.", he's not piecing this together well. his words are choppy and really, he's still trying to catch his breath..."uh, don't tell anyone about the pants....please". she still seems to want more, and he glances down to the floor while chewing on his lip, "uhh...y'know, born june 14th, not sure what that sign is...y'know, too busy for horoscopes though autumn reads mine to me sometimes...you don' t know her though..." duh.

"here!", her replies a little defensively before shaking his head, "well near here...santa barbara first and then here like..5 years ago, yea. brother moved us here after our parents passed...or rather..my dad and his mom...yea.' already getting into the slighty nasty details involved in his past, including talking about his brother.

he tilts his head to the side, obviously confused about what that even meant. how could she guess that? four years was quite specific but was he getting an accent or something that could be counted back to the day that he came here? it was all a little too confusing but he just nodded along with her, trying to lose the confused expression as not to offend her or anything. "uhhh..", now was the time that he had to mention having the famous brother. this was always meant people wanting autographs or information or his address or phone number. he really did not want to deal with this today but ethan was too much of a good boy to lie. "my brother..', hesitating when it came to giving his name and deciding that maybe he could get away with just giving a first name, "gavin porter. he's here, and i have high school friends and a some cooking buddies...we do this thing every saturday in my apartment where we don't look at recipes and just create from our own imagination. we make some gross stuff sometimes.." he chuckles before clearing his throat again, "but good stuff too, y'know..". he thinks to names and can really only think of two, both girls, "his fiance..my brother's fiance...cora, she's...yea.", he had no real way to describe her. she was a handful and was often making passes at ethan that went way over his head. "and y'know..autumn, i mentioned her before..she's ..one of my best friends..met in a club about two years...one year..", man she was going to kill him for forgetting their friendiversary...whatever that was, "she's cool.", more than cool but ethan was so confused about his own life that his emotions were just lost in the vortex at this point. "and peter...he's my dog...he was my old roommate's but then, not sure...what happened to him..but i got peter.."

oh a sore subject. it's already being read on his face as he looks down to the ground instead of at the woman, not that his eyes had really been focused on her too much. he has to think about it, how to bring up the sensitive subject without showing his own emotional side which often came out when he spoke about the past. ethan liked the idea of moving on, not stepping back and so, with things like this - he had to tip-toe around his own feelings to get the truth out. and from the look on her face, she wanted the truth. ”okay.”, but he stops there. and then adjoining questions are fired off that makes his head pick back up, ”woah slow down missy..please. ask the first three questions…” and they are repeated. ”my father’s career?” and with the nod given, ethan knows that he has to take a deep breath before speaking. he inhales and then exhales, going for a second time as well just to truly be confident that his racing heart was not going to start beating out of his chest. "military man...always been in that field. he never knew anything else. he was just a military man, my grandfather before him and my great great grandfather before him. my uncles were too. it just made sense for me to go as well, a soul connection, not even a conscious decision.”, his eyes actually seemed to light up with pride as he spoke about his father. ”he married my mom, who had a child with another man previously. then...they had me, a product of true love i guess. gavin, not so much but i know my dad tried to make him like a son. the only problem would be gavin was already cold and hard by then..”,, he shifted from father to brother without even batting an eye or being aware of it. he just needs to rant now. ”he was four when i was born and i don’t know what happened. I was the biological son..maybe i was loved more, maybe gavin just thought that. i can’t keep speculating about it though…he went bad, i stayed good, it’s just how things went.”, and the light darkens and soon, fire appears in the boy's light blue eyes. he doesn't like to speak about this and mostly his brother who just rubs him the wrong way. everything about gavin bothers him but at the same time, his brother could be the reason that he was still a functional member of society to this day. gavin did bring him out of the dark place by forcefully pulling him into the real world and making him work, sweat, and take his mind off his mother and father passing on. he figured that he had discussed both his father and brother and now was his mother's turn. his voice turns more gentle and his eyes are light once more, no longer angry but just sad, ”she was a kind woman, really. she was dedicated to her boys but when one, my father, died, something snapped in her. death seems to have that effect, i guess." he chuckles, ”i followed through with everything my dad had for me. sure, i’m not taking the desired courses but i’m in school and i’m doing what I loved. he fueled that and my mother nurtured it. school was never fully my thing, i enjoyed the social aspect a little more but i did decent, i got the better grades, i did the harder work…i earned what i got.” and once again, he was referring to the rivalry between himself and his brother. "they died. the two of them..first my dad, then my mom shortly after..like a year kind of short. it was sudden, unexpected. she wasn't healthy or happy without him so ....", he can only shrug. "gavin kept us going...kind of. he injured himself when i was sixteen and i had to be the breadwinner. it's where i found my love of cooking as i took a job in a food truck on the boardwalk of the beach in cali...that's where we are from by the way.", but the mellow tone to his voice and even the blue rimmed plastic sunglasses on the top of his head could probably give it away. it was hard to tell him from a native these days though, "he found soccer and it brought him here...he kept me, guarded me..clothed me but he always resented me. i work at a hotel, as a cook...and ...then this..pant thing, but no one knows that yet.."
this had never really occured to him though ethan was always looking for approval from really...anyone that would offer it. he wondered if maybe that was how he made friends, just being what they wanted him to be. "i y'know...i think they would say.." but he really could not fill in the blanks. he had no idea what his friends thought of him or what they would say. he hoped that they would say he was loyal, unfailing in his efforts to appease them in whatever way including going out to bars, which was not really his thing. he anticipated that they would say he was awkward but that much was obvious given the conversation that had been happening for the fifteen minutes. he wondered if they would say he was corny or comical...cause he tried to be. he never wanted frowns when he was around, he never wanted to see people unhappy and worked hard to make them smile. he knew desperate would fall out of his brother's mouth just lik ethan would label him as unemotional and cold. he looked to the lady and gave a shrug, "guess..you should um....ask them?". 

he just wanted to look forward now, into the army, into the next dish that he would make, the next drink he would have, club he would enter with his friends, the next awkward conversation he would have. the past helped him in no one, not in his eyes. he was whatever his father wanted him to be until he was twelve and his father was gone. then he was whatever his mother needed and then she was gone. he formed later in his years compared to others. but there was no denying that he was sensitive, that much is clear by the changing in his voice, and he might even be just a little bitter about everything. he won't lie about his past or his future plans but he will not always be forthcoming right away. he doesn't mind stepping around it or around himself as he seems to tell himself those white lies like "everything is okay" and "things will get better" even if he's not certain of it. "hmm.." he speaks followed by a shrug as he shuffles his boots on the tiled floor. "i'm..sure they would just know that...i'm me. a person, a human, feelings and all. flesh and bone, full of love...yea..", his words give off the impression that he doesn't really know who he is. "a cook, a brother..", naming off titles as though they help to define himself. he has a prideful side but it has nothing to do with his own accomplishments, and maybe that is because he has yet to really amount to anything or decided that he was going to be this one person. he's fluid. he's awkward, his words are choppy and sometimes he speaks down without actually meaning to. he has that juvenile apologetic side where everything, in his mind, can be fixed with an 'i'm sorry'. his parents really left at a crucial time for him and he was raised in the most important phase of his life by someone who was merely a boy himself and who resented ethan. he had hatred in his voice now that he has spoken about the year of the deaths, he has some underlying anger but not from the parents. he wanted a family, he wanted something that was tangible. he did not want a strict father or an absent brother, he wanted tender, loving care which despite his praise about his family, he never got. maybe that is why he is searching for the spotlight, he likes being the center of the attention with his uniform. this was nothing but a boy lost and confused about who he is because he never got the guidance at a young age.

he has a stunning, crooked smile, he has the lightest blue eyes that you have seen, he looks physically healthy. ”uhh..”and now this is the part where he is supposed to express finding the love of his life in some beautiful, story book way. but no, he's silent. he has no idea how to answer the question to something that does not exist. ”y’know, here and there…”, a boy’s answer really. skirting around the truth with that uncomfortable feeling. a girlfriend? he shakes his head. the woman escalates to a fiance, and his head shakes even faster. his brother obviously never introduced him to girls. his mother and father were gone when girls stopped having cooties. he was never really taught anything about love or sex. the woman begins to question him, if he has even been kissed and he nods. then asks if he is a virgin and he shakes his head. least he is not a complete loss in the sex department. a number is requested and he shrugs, ”five maybe six.”. lie? yea. it's lower than that. he wants to have his boyish dignity and it's granted to him with a thumb’s up.

”ah good, it’s over. back to reality. thank you for having me, enjoy your day and …yea, see ya.”, he even shakes the hand of the woman on the other side of the desk. he has a tight grip, gaining muscle from the work outs that he is finally putting into his schedule. he then rushes back out the door as fast as he came in, off to his next task of the day.